My submission to the Browne review of higher education funding

Dear Lord Browne, please make a special 'pre-1990s graduate' tax for everyone who went to uni when you still got a full grant plus housing benefit and could sign on in the holidays. They can afford it, especially since they went on to buy houses when houses were actually affordable, and are therefore now rolling in it in comparison to those of us who graduated later. We had to pay off loans and pay inflated property prices caused by those early graduates investing the money they didn't have to spend on repaying loans in 'developing' property. Not to mention that we had to work in the holidays instead of signing on and sitting on mummy's sofa talking about revolution and getting our laundry done for us. It's time to redress the balance.

In case you didn't realise already that the system is fucked up

So at the moment, the Tories have 7 percentage points more of the votes cast than Labour, and 44 more seats in Parliament. Yet Labour have only 7 percentage points more votes than the Lib Dems, but have almost 200 - TWO HUNDRED - more seats in Parliament. I'm waiting for someone to tell me how that is democracy.

Bristol West's answer to Sam Seabourne writes...

Oh god, god, god, god, god. Just realised that this time tomorrow we may well have a Tory government. Oh GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD.
I'm already planning to go out and help the local Lib Dems tonight at the polling station, but will it be enough? I suspect we will win in our constituency since it was tight last time between Labour and Lib Dem and I can't see people round here voting Tory. Mind you, there are a lot of small businesses, shops etc, who might go blue. More likely disillusioned Labour voters will go Green or Lib Dem, and the Greens have no hope of winning so fingers crossed for Stephen Williams getting those tactical votes.
Hopefully the leaflets I delivered will have helped, I feel like a right proper local activist (even got a text message from Nick Clegg -allegedly-this morning saying thanks for my hard work). Shame that some of the envelopes I pushed through doors were empty by mistake... I only realised when a woman came running out to ask what was meant to be inside the envelope I'd put through the door. 'Election information', I said. 'Oh, which party?' she said.
Of course I should have said 'Your local Conservative candidate madam!' But like the well-meaning leftie fool I am, I told the truth. 'Says it all really, but then they're all just as bad as each other aren't they?' was her parting shot - can't help kind of agreeing with her given the record of the local council but hey ho.

A question for runners

Dear fellow runners, if there are any of you reading this, I have a question.
It goes without saying that we all have little movie-training-montages running in our heads as we go - you know, cutting from yourself looking determined running past bushes, to yourself looking determined but slightly tired running past the duckpond, to yourself doing the hands-on-thighs-while-looking-up-determinedly pose) while waiting at the zebra crossing. And it's obviously important to shout 'AADRIEEEENNNNNE' in your head if you have to run up any steps.
But my question is this: when you've finished your run and you're doing your bit of walking to cool down, do you worry that passers-by won't realise that you've just run a bloody long way and will just think you've wimped out? And if so, how do you cope? Do you do lots of puffing and 'phew'ing? Do you hold your phone to your ear and talk loudly about 'GOD I've just run MILES I'm KNACKERED...yes...just doing the WARM DOWN now'? Do you affect a limp so they'll think you *could* be running but you've just injured yourself?

Brarse: an update

In case anyone's interested, in the end I got a dress made to measure. However, despite careful measuring and my explaining to the (very sweet) dressmaker that I was there specifically because I have trouble finding dresses that fit around the tits, when the dress arrived in the post I found... it doesn't fit round the tits.
So I've got to go all the way back to Brighton and get it altered. Fercryingoutbloodyloud it's not like I'm some kind of freakish physical anomaly! I just want a nice frock to wear to my mates' weddings! Is that so much to ask?