Could you be in '24'?

The events in this blog entry happen between the hours of 6pm and 7pm. Typing occurs in real time.

I'm celebrating my purchase of a brand new shiny TFT monitor - and therefore some blessed relief from my migraines - with a '24' DVD marathon courtesy of Amazon's new DVD rental service. It's been great fun (I'm up to midday in Series 2) but several things have struck me.
The first is that all the women look exactly the same - even the little girl is like a minipops version of Elisha Cuthbert/the two sisters and what the presidential aide woman would look like if she had blonde hair. Only the lesbian daughter from Roseanne is distinguishable and she's about to die, which is a shame because she's a vastly under-rated actress who brings a touch of class to a show that is, frankly, chod, although enjoyable chod. Why isn't she in more stuff?
The second is, why does Hollywood insist on equating obsessive compulsive disorder with perpetrators of domestic abuse? If it's not '24', it's 'Sleeping with the Enemy'. But for crissakes, just because a man likes his ham'n'eggs arranged in a particular way on the plate doesn't mean that 45 minutes later he's going to be whacking his daughter's head against a bedstead and shouting "Kim if you move I will kill you".
The third is that almost the entire cast of characters appears to be phenomenally stupid. Not the actors, they are clearly clever enough to be laughing all the way to the bank, but - aside from possibly Tony Almeida, who by the way really should have been promoted by now - the characters are all just dim-witted as hell.

To illustrate, I’ve prepared what Americans, for some reason, call a “pop” quiz. It’s got nothing to do with pop, though.

1) You are an FBI agent working undercover with some armed terrorists. They reveal their plot to blow up a building full of your friends and former co-workers. Do you:
a) Smile, tell them it’s a great idea and attempt to sabotage the explosion
b) Smile, tell them it’s a great idea and start looking for a way to get away from them so you can inform the authorities
c) Wait until they’re 15 feet away with their backs to you, pop behind a parked van and call the president of the USA on your mobile phone for a quick chat?

2) You are rescuing a badly injured little girl from her physically abusive father. He has threatened to kill you and has told the police you’ve kidnapped the child. Your own father has advised you with no small sense of urgency to go to your aunt Carol’s house in San Jose. Do you:
a) Go to your aunt Carol’s house in San Jose
b) Call the police and explain your side of the story, citing the child’s battered mother as a witness, then take the kid to a hospital so she can receive treatment
c) Call your father’s former co-workers at the Counter-Terrorism Unit, disturbing them in the middle of serious FBI business, and insist on taking the child over to their premises?

3) You have found out that your sister’s fiance has terrorist connections. Your family’s life could be in danger if anyone finds out what you know. Do you:
a) Act normal until your private investigator can give you any more information on what to do
b) Call the police
c) Tell your dad what you know and then act all weird and grumpy, snapping at your sister and freaking out when her fiance tries to take you to a mystery location in his snazzy red car?

4) You are a terrorist goon guarding a nuclear weapon factory, the centrepiece of which is a glass case containing highly radioactive plutonium. Some police and FBI chaps break in and start looking around. Do you:
a) Sneak out and make a run for it
b) Call your bosses and tell them what’s going on
c) Open fire with a machine gun, shattering the glass case and thus putting your own life at risk from radiation poisoning?

5) You are a terrorist planning to bomb the Counter-Terrorism Unit within a matter of hours. An old mate shows up, fresh out of Joliet, carrying the severed head of your arch-enemy who has been in impregnable protective custody for a number of months. Your right-hand man suggests that the timing suggests more than a coincidence. Do you:
a) Wonder how this bloke managed to get access to your arch-enemy in order to kill him, put two and two together and realise that he is an undercover FBI agent
b) Tell him it’s great to see him again but you’re a little busy right now and could you call him tomorrow
c) Welcome him with open arms, tell him details of your plot and invite him along to help out?

If you answered mainly c, then congratulations! You are stupid enough to be a character in ‘24’.

Still, it's top entertainment. Trouble is, I can't work out who the woman in the photos is, because she just looks like every other woman in the show, only wearing a brown wig. Hey ho - only one way to find out I suppose!